Personal statement on faith.
‘The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furl’d.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating…’
Words by Matthew Arnold written over a hundred and fifty years ago, expressing something of my own relationship with faith and the church. It is now clear to me that I no longer have a sense of faith, nor any formal religious convictions. Faith and religious belief and practice have, for me, no longer any meaning or relevance. I am grateful to the Catholic Church for enabling me to live in Rome at the English College, and to study at the Gregorian University, I enjoyed serving as a priest for a number of years, and on and off, have been a member of the Catholic Church, as well as having strong relationships with the Quakers and the Anglican Church. Although brought up in a non-religious, even anti-religious home, I have for most of my life belonged to some religious community. However, I no longer hold a convinced faith and nor do I actually feel a need for belief: in God, Christ, or Church. This understanding came to me some months ago and I felt a sense of liberation – liberation from many years of struggling and wrestling with my doubts and questions. Many questions about the greater and deeper meanings of life will, for me at least, always remain unanswerable, and I do not readily relate to formal institutions including religious ones. Perhaps I am too much of a free-thinker to find a home within institutions. The great questions of God remain a total mystery to me and I do not find in religious practice any answers to my seeking understanding, neither in words nor symbols. I do not find in religious communities greater wisdom or more caring humanity than outside them. I can only be true to my own conscience and honest with other people.
Because of this I no longer feel I wish to belong to the church at all. This may surprise, shock or upset some. In my conscience I can only live my own life in sincerity, as I take a step into the unknown, which involves risk. I have appreciated the love and kindness in the Catholic community in many ways, parishes, choirs, so many lovely people I have known and do know, the warmth, openness and acceptance of myself. The church community is one that I have valued highly but find that I cannot now be sincere in belonging to and taking part in its life, even though I respect the good works and service to humanity the church is involved in. A great deal of my life has been bound up in the church but not always happily and there is much in the church which I find meaningless and irrelevant for my life. Much has happened in my life over the last few years, and the reflection on my experience has I believe brought me to my present attitude of mind. I experience human goodness in the church, but also outside it. I have a sense of human goodwill and desire to serve humanity which inspires me, springing from human values of love, kindness and integrity. As to God, religion, church – the notions remain interesting but do not convince.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est: charity and loving-kindness are god to me.
paschonorvic7 